We Are So Dead
by Yume Malfoy
Summary: Simply put three demons working for Hellsing get in trouble and have to leave Britain, so they get sent to Japan to destroy a demon that is threatening to take over the world. This does tie in with the Sohmas I just wont tell you how! So please read!
1. Prologue

Hola peoples. Ok this is my first Fruba fic so be nice. Now this is a fruba fic but the actual fruba stuff doesn't come in untill the next chapter which I know (glares at other authors) will be out in a short wile. I promise. Now this will be kinda serious but the authors working on this cant remain that way for to long so this can only get extremly funny and/or confusing(see The Case of Prof. Carnage) so if anyone ever has any questions just email me or put it in your review and i will gladly explain. Well that's it so here ya go, an extremly short first chapter.

It was a surprisingly quiet and calm day in England on the Hellsing grounds. Well, it was quiet if you ignored the screams of terrified soldiers and the negativity coming from one large office in the top right corner of the manor. This office belonged to non-other than Sir Integra Van Hellsing, who was currently pissed, no not just pissed, but pissed as hell. She was sitting behind a very large hand carved desk staring at the door with her chin held in her left hand wile her right furiously strummed her desk. Finally allowing her anxiety to get the best of her, she got up and walked over to her window, and looked over the big garden that lay beneath. There she saw the cause of her distress: three young women that were lounging around or playing tricks on her tormented soldiers. As though they sensed her eyes on them the three looked up at the window, looked at each other, waved, and then headed into the building.

It didn't take more than a few seconds for a knock on the door to sound. Receiving no answer the trio walked in and sat down on any empty chair they could find. Upon hearing the door shut Integra turned and watched as the girls situated themselves. Looking them over she realized just how mismatched the girls truly were. Minuet, the oldest but shortest of the three, was about 5'5'' in height, and had long black pigtails in danger of dragging on the ground. She wore a white Chinese dress with slits up to mid thigh. Pink and salmon colored sakura petals decorated the garment around the bottom, getting darker until they were a near black. On her wrist were two gauntlets made of solid jade. At her waist was a pair of suis, engraved with a language not understandable to human beings.

Next, was Yume, the second oldest. She too wore an Asian influenced outfit on her 5'7" frame. It was similar to a kimono, but about the length of a mini dress and had unattached sleeves. It had a stark contrast of white, with dark blue triangles decorating the edges of the hems. She wore a midnight black obi with a Dao at her side. Around her forehead, keeping her dark brown hair out of her eyes was a headband made of platinum with sapphire writing, in the same language as Minuet's artifacts. On her forearms were two leather armguards.

And the last terror, slightly younger than Yume, was Keona. She was 5'8", with bright purple hair that went down her back and covered her dark violet eyes. Her black top had long, wide sleeves and the front of the shirt laced up with a black ribbon. The ends of the ribbon were very long, one end trailing down over her black jeans, and the other end in her mouth. Hanging from her neck were several strings of hematite and other precious stones, and one pendant. It was platinum and resembled a cross, or a pair of wings. It had one light blue sapphire in the center, and around this stone that the strange writing looped.

An uncomfortable silence fell, the rhythmic drumming of Integra's fingers being the only sign of life, as Keona had stopped chewing on her ribbon and was now nodding off in her chair. Integra cleared her throat and the girls looked at her, Keona quickly sat straight up, still it was silent.

"So how's it cookin'?" Minuet asked. Everyone glared at her. "What? Uncomfortable silences mean two things, either your in the middle of a fight and waiting for your opponent to leave, or somebody's breaking up with you." She gasped and looked straight at Integra. "Integra…you aren't breaking up with us are you?"

"Shut up, Minuet." Integra said far too calmly, "You three are becoming more trouble than you're worth."

"Really? I thought we were doing really well." Minuet mused out loud.

"Minuet!" Integra yelled causing Minuet to jump and yelp. "I'm serious. You three are causing far too much trouble recently. The Queen wants me to get rid of all of you."

Nothing but silence met Integra's ears as the girls let her last words sink in. Minuet looked like she wanted to say something smart assed but for once kept her mouth shut, and for that Integra was grateful but also a little concerned. Looking around at the other occupants she was surprised to see no emotion written on their faces.

"There is something I can do, but you will all have to work with me."

"What is it?" Keona sighed, finally showing some emotion.

"I can send you to Japan on a 'mission'."

"What kind of mission?" Yume asked turning her head to rest on her shoulder.

"Well it's simple. All you'd have to do is…"


	2. First day of hell

Well haylow again for all you people who have took the time to read it I'm sorry it took so long. The other authors weren't on most of the weekend so yeah. Well thanx for reading and I love those people who have, oh and the first person to review gets 2,500 cool points. Hope yall enjoy. Also _"this means thoughts."_ Ok that's all.

"_Ring" _A school bell rang singling the start of first period.

As all the students made their way to their classrooms, a loud boom sound and the following explosion took out one entire classroom and half the hallway. All students that were walking down that portion of the hallway ended up covered in debris and black soot, but that wasn't what concerned them. Just after the explosion a girl, about 5'5'' with two buns on the sides of her head, came bounding out of the ruined classroom singing, "You're all gonna die. Nothing you can do about it. Squirrelly wrath, squirrelly wrath, squirrelly wrath." Then she skipped up to one of the soot covered students, grabbed his hands and sang, while dancing, "I'm the lord and master. You all are bastards. Worship me or I'll stab your eyes 'till ya bleed. I'm the lord and master."

"Hey you!" A disgruntled soot covered teacher yelled pointing at the singing women. "How dare you destroy my classroom! I swear when I figure out who you are you will be in big trouble!"

"I don't think soooooooooooooooo!" The chick called as she skipped away.

Everyone watched as the strange girl skipped down the hall until she was out of sight. When they thought that they were safe from the odd one they all started to get up and dust themselves off, until them heard a blood curdling scream.

"No! I don't wanna go!" The strange girl cried as she ran back into sight.

"To bad. We're wanted in the principles office, now." An unknown voice called from a shadowed figure. "Now let's go."

"No please! I wanna have some more fun!" The visible girl cried until the sound became nothing but a murmur.

"That was very strange." One soot covered student said wide eyed.

"Strange, is an understatement." Another one sighed.

"Hey what happened here?" A tall blond haired girl asked, walking up with two others. Too her right was a girl of medium height with black hair, and haunting eyes. On the other side, was a very sunny girl with honey brown hair and a distant smile.

"Some crazy wench blew up the classroom that's what happened!" yelled a young man. Despite the soot covering him, one could see traces of fiery orange hair. His eyes were of crimson color.

"Oh, does poor Kyon-Kyon miss math class?" the blonde taunted.

"My name's Kyo, ya damn Yankee!"

"Are you okay Yuki?" the girl with brown hair asked another boy off to the side.

He looked up, purple eyes slightly confused. "I'm just fine Miss Tohru. But perhaps you should stop Arisa from hurting the stupid cat? It's his turn to do dishes tonight."

Tohru rushed off immediately to where the fight was occurring between the blonde and the boy.

"Those girls weren't normal."

Yuki jumped slightly at the sudden voice beside him. He looked over to see Hanajima Saki. _'"Why does she have to do that? It's creepy."_ He was about to open his mouth to reply when a black orange and red blur came past him.

"It appears Uo has won yet again." and with that she walked off.

"Damn_ she's creepy sometimes." _Yuki thought.

**/In the classroom/**

"Alright class I know that earlier events have left you all really wound up, but it's time for class so settled down." The teacher called. "Right, let's all begin. Turn to page 345 in your text boo..."

"Hello Miss Kariudo." A solemn looking man said as he walked through the now open door, "I have some new students for you."

"Oh, of course. Please, send them in." Miss Kariudo said motioning, with her hand, for the students to come in.

"Well come on in." The man called out the door.

"HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOO EVERYONE!" the strange girl from earlier called as she bounded into the room, followed by two less excited girls.

"OH GOD! EVERYONE HIT THE FLOOR!" A male soot covered student yelled, causing everyone in the class to laugh.

"Class that's enough. Show a little more respect to these three." Miss Kariudo yelled.

For the first time, Yuki actually got a good look at the excitable girl from earlier, as well as her friends.

"Oh that's quiet alright." Said one of the other two girls standing up. She had mid-back length dark brown hair that was held out of her eyes by a light blue head band. She wore a different school uniform than any in the district. It was a mid-thigh navy blue skirt with a black blazer. One the lapel of the blazer was a coat of arms bearing the name "Hellsing" above it. Her over the knee boots, that she was tapping obviously irritated, revealed red socks.

"She has already caused problems today, so it's no surprise that they would be afraid. If someone blew up my classroom, I'd probably be scared too. No, wait, I'd thank you." The other girl said. She had long bright purple hair that was pulled back into a lose ponytail, with two pieces hanging down in front. She wore numerous wristbands, one which read: Save the cats that go MOO. She was dressed similarly to the first girl. However, her blazer was short with long sleeves, and her skirt was a bit longer. Her blazer bore the same insignia over the left breast. Her shoes were different too. They were a pair of black calf-high boots showing off one light blue sock and one lavender sock.

"Hey it was an accident. I swear." The odd one whined. Her outfit was similar to her friends'. Her blazer was exceptionally long, making her skirt seem smaller as it barely jutted out from the edges. Her shoes were high heeled Mary Jane's with white socks going up to over the knee.

"Well I'll let you take it from here. Girls welcome to your new family for the next year." The man said. (A.N. I didn't want to give him a name because he really doesn't show much past this point, if at all.)

"Of course." Miss Kariudo said watching the man walk out the door. "Now how about you all tell us a little about yourselves?"

"Alrighty then!" The eccentric girl cried thrusting her right arm into the air and hopping on one foot. "I'm Minuet. The one with purple hair is Keona, and the one with brown is Yume. We all lived in Britain but our guardian wanted us to leave so she sent us…"

"Alright Minuet. That's enough." Yume said putting a hand over Minuet's mouth.

"Ok then. Ummm… Miss Keona what do you like to do?" Miss Kariudo asked.

"You don't wanna know." Keona said slowly, with a bizarre expression on her face.

"Ok… Miss Yume, why don't you tell us about your self?"

"…No."

"Hmmmm… Ok Miss Minuet why don't you sit behind Yuki there, Miss Yume you can sit by Kyo, and Miss Keona you can sit behind Miss Yume." Miss Kariudo said pointing to each spot as she said it. "Now back to class. I trust you three were issued text books?"

"Of course." Keona said flicking her pencil "accidentally" at Yume's head.

"Good turn to page 345. Now when the Second Shino-Japanese war began Japan occupied Manchuria…"

"_Ring" _The lunch bell sounded snapping Yume out of her dream.

"Hey did you get a good nap?" Keona asked as Yume straightened her desk out. "The teacher didn't notice what so ever."

"Good. That had to've(A.N. not a word I know but that's how a lot of people say it) been the most boring history lesson I've ever had." Yume slurred as she rubbed her eyes. "What's Minuet doing?"

"She's been bugging the poor guy since you feel asleep."

"Aw. Why?"

"No clue, but she seems to enjoy it. Although he doesn't."

"Hmmmm."

"Poke, poke, poke. Ya know I could do this all day. You're so fun to poke." Minuet sang as she continuously poked poor Yuki. (A.N. HA, poor my butt. Just so you guys know I don't like Yuki so he will be tortured in this. Not whips and chains, as some of my more perverted friends might think, but mentally.)

"Miss Minuet that really is annoying." Yuki said exasperated.

"It took you this long to figure that out." Minuet said emphasizing the last word with a really hard poke. "But as I was saying before."

"What? I don't remember you saying anything but poke."

"As I was saying before." She said again still not doing anything.

"What! What were you saying!" Yuki all but screamed.

At this point all eyes were on Yuki, wondering how the "prince" could lose his composure because of one little girl, when he'd dealt with countless others before her.

"Can I hug you?" Minuet asked with big puppy dog eyes.

"NOOOOO!" Yuki cried standing up quickly. This of course brought even more unwanted attention that Yuki wanted to divert. "I don't like hugs."

"Oh well!" Minuet cried jumping from her chair with her arms out stretched.

"That's enough, Minuet." Yume said standing in between Minuet and Yuki.

"Yay! I get to hug Yume!" Minuet cried wrapping her arms around the other very tightly.

"Ugh. Get off me." Yume sighed breathlessly.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" A girls voice cried. "Yume, Minuet, come here!"

"Keona! What's wrong?" Minuet yelled as she ran up to the woman.

"Isn't he the cutest?" Keona cried her arms out stretched as though presenting the short blond boy in a girls uniform. He was beaming.

"Who is he?" Yume asked as she reached her other two girls.

"I'm Momiji Sohma, it's nice to meet you." The blond said looking up with at Yume and Minuet with wide eyes. "Oh yeah and the guy over there with the white hair is Hatsuharu, but we just call him Haru."

"Ok then." Yume said nonchalantly, holding back Minuet who desperately wanted to hug Momiji. "I think the bell's about to ring, so let's head back."

"Ok." Keona said sadly. "Hey Momiji lets hang out after school, k?"

"Alright!" Momiji said happily.

/**In class/**

"Ya damn rat why don't you make me shut up?" The orange haired teen, Kyo, yelled.

Yuki, who was already having a bad day, did just that. He punched Kyo in the chin then sent him flying with a high kick, before the poor teen could even blink. All the commotion once again brought unwanted attention to the prince, but this time he ignored it all and went to his desk without a word to anyone. As Yume and Keona walked past the fallen teen, Yume couldn't help but send a mischievous side glance, which was sly but caught by the red headed teen.

"_What's her problem?" _Kyo thought watching the girl until she took her seat.

"Right everyone take your seats, and open your math books to chapter 3." The teacher said as she walked to the board.

"Hey what do ya plan on doing to him?" Keona asked leaning over to whisper in Yume's ear.

"What do you mean?" Yume asked looking like she was taking notes.

"I saw the look you gave that Kyo guy. What are you planning?"

"Nothing."

"Liar."

"No. I'm just not planning anything."

"You expect me to believe that?"

"Will you just take your notes and leave me to my own devices?"

"Wow. Why are you so angry?"

"I'm not, just take your notes before we get in trouble."

"I'm sorry am I disrupting you two back there?" the teacher asked glaring at Yume and Keona.

"No ma'am." Yume and Keona said in union.

"Good then pay attention."

The rest of the class went with out a hitch, except for Minuet poking Yuki, but he decided to just ignore it all and take his notes. To most of the students the rest of the day just dragged on and on until the best time of day where the bell ringing signified the time to go home.

"Yahooooooooo!" Minuet screamed as she burst through the school's front doors.

"Oh hey I'm gonna go sfind Momiji, kay?" Keona said, running off.

"Why did she ask if she wasn't going to wait for the answer?" Yume asked looking past Minuet to watch her disappearing friend.

"No clue, but I was thinking about joining a club what about you?" Minuet asked turning to look at her remaining friend.

"Ummmm… I don't know. I was thinking of joining the drama club. My acting skills need some work, and what better way to do it!" Yume finished, doing an 80s move buy throwing her right hand above her head and pointing to the sky.

"Ok then. Have fun with that."

"I'm not sure I will. I might just stay here and wait for you two."

"Kay. So see ya?"

"Yeah. Have fun."

Yume gently waved her friend off until she disappeared back into the school. "_I wonder why she burst out if the door just to go back in like that. Oh well. Hmph, I wonder where that Kyo went." _Yume thought as she walked off in the direction that Keona went.

**/Somewhere on the school grounds/**

Keona walked through the school grounds looking as though she was wondering around aimlessly and spacing out. This of course caused many different boys, looking for an easy, pretty girl, to come up and ask her out, but each time she told them no and that she was looking for someone. As she was asking one of the really strange boys if they had seen a little blond by the name of Momiji, she heard the sounds of an argument and a bright blond tuff of hair walk in and out of the trees surrounding the school yard.

"Never mind." She said as she walked away waving. She quickly walked up to where she had seen the blond hair and called, "Hey Mo…"

A hand smacking her stopped her from saying anything else. This hand belonged to none other than Hatsuharu Sohma who, at this time, was in a heated argument with an enraged Kyo. For Keona, Haru's hand stayed in her face a little too long, so she grabbed it and twisted it around his back until it was close to breaking. This snapped Haru out of his argument and brought his attention to the fact that he just smacked a woman.

"Oh god, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to smack you miss…" Haru trailed off.

"Well I guess I can forgive you, seeing as how you're so cute. And my name is Keona." Keona said slowly letting go of Haru's arm.

"I truly am sorry Miss Keona."

"Hey Keona? Can we play something, and I know Haru will play to." Momiji said jumping up and down in front of Keona.

"You know you don't just stop in the middle of an argument." Kyo yelled grabbing Haru by his collar.

"Kyo I'm done, we both know you won, so let's just quit here." Haru said pulling Kyo's hand away.

"Feh. Whatever." Kyo said as he walked away.

"So Momiji, what do you wanna play?" Keona asked bending down to talk to him.

"God damn Haru. He's always doing this. One of these days I'm gonna get him." Kyo mumbled angrily.

"Hey there Kyo." A voice called to the red headed teen.

"Huh? Oh it's you, Yume right? What do you want?" Kyo asked turning to Yume voice.

"Nothing much, just a fight." Yume said with a sly grin.

"A fight? You're joking right?" Kyo laughed.

"Why would I be joking?" Yume asked her grin faltering.

"You want me to fight you? Sorry but I don't fight weak girls." Kyo said turning his back to walk away.

The only thing Kyo was aware of was a low growl coming from the girl he just turned his back on. Just as the growl stopped he felt his hair be pulled, and he was tossed into the air, and going right over Haru's, Momiji's, and Keona's heads.

"Hey where's he going?" Keona asked turning to face Yume, who was walking up to the trio.

"He's taking a flying lesson." Yume said a smile in her eyes and voice. "Maybe I should go catch him. What do you think?"

"I don't know. You gonna fight him?" Keona asked still watching the flying boy.

"Hmph. Maybe but he might be a little banged up by the time I get there." Yume answered walking towards the supposed landing spot of the teen.

The group of three watched as Kyo landed and Yume picked him up then decked him. When they heard a laugh from behind them they turned and saw that Minuet and Yuki were walking up to them.

"What's going on over there?" Yuki asked.

"I think Kyo made her mad." Momiji sang, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"That's not hard to do though." Minuet said looking at Momiji like she really wanted to hug him. "Maybe we should go save him. Besides I wanna go home."

"Yeah I guess you're right. I'm sorry Momiji we'll have to play later." Keona sighed dejectedly.

As the girls walked away to pull their friend from her new punching bag, Yuki sighed and dropped to his knees. Haru ignored Yuki, for once, and laughed at the show that the girls were trying to stop.

"Perhaps we should head home Momiji we don't want Hatori to worry." Haru said turning from the show to look at Momiji then to help Yuki stand.

"Ok bye Yuki!" Momiji called as he ran to the front of the school.

"Bye." Yuki called back, he looked back at Kyo, shook his head and thought, "_I don't want to wait for Kyo. He can deal with this on his own." _Then began the long trek to Shigure's.

"Yume let's go. I wanna go home!" Minuet cried pulling on the arm she was holding.

"Come on chick we need to get home so we can do our homework." Keona panted trying to keep the other arm in check.

"You just want to get back to your video games. Oh, fine we'll go. Why do you two have to ruin my fun?" Yume asked going limp in her friends' arms.

"Because you always ruin ours." Keona said rolling her eyes.

"Come on. Let's go. Oh Kyo are you gonna be ok?" Minuet asked as a second thought.

"Yeah I'll be fine. Hey Yume, for a chick you fight pretty well, but next time you're not gonna be so lucky." Kyo called to the girls who were walking away.

"Good. I'm counting on it." Yume shot back looking over her shoulder.

**/At the girls house/**

"Yay we're home." Keona crooned jumping on the couch.

The house as very simple in design, but looked very comfortable. The only problems one would have with this house was the fact that there were that there were few lamps and no pictures of the occupants or their families. The living room was nicely furnished though with a nice black leather couch, two green lazy boy reclining chairs, and a big plasma television. There was a fire place in the far right wall with wood pilled up in front of it, and to the right of that was a door that lead to the kitchen; and another one that lead to a hallway where the stairs, bathroom, dinning room, and study were located.

"It's wonderful to be home. I can't wait to get into a nice warm bath and soak my muscles." Yume sighed happily as she stretched her arms above her head.

"Oh hey do you think the Sohmas from our school are related to that Shigure Sohma?" Minuet asked looking at a book that was sitting on the coffee table (A.N. yes I know that the Japanese don't use coffee tables but these girls are from Britain so they do. Although I'm not sure that the British use coffee tables either but I'm sure they do. Oh well.  Hehe)

"You three are here for a reason, and relaxation is not supposed to be part of it." A shadow that no one saw said.

The shadow walked barely into the light so that just his legs and lower body were showing. It wore lose black pants and a red trench coat that went down to his calves. With out saying another word it through a large package onto the table and disappeared, appearing to be swallow by the shadows. When the figure left no one spoke or moved they just stared at the package like it was the crown jewels and they were the guardians.

Well what do ya think? That chapter so very long for me, but the ideas just kept coming and such, so yeah. This chapter was ten flippin pages on Microsoft word. But oh well this is truly the first chapter so I hoped you enjoyed it I liked it I think it's funny, but I've got a weird sense of humor but oh well. Tell me wut you think and please review I love them and they'll motivate me so please, please, please review. I'd talk more buts its like 3:08 and my head's pounding, so l8ter all.


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